Summer 2012

It's been an awesome summer!  I got to take 2 weeks off and spend a lot of time with my boys, who are awesome.

I do think that I need to be more patient with everyone, but one day at a time...

Alec is starting to talk in full and grammatically sentences, which is amazing.  And Aiden is really presenting very cool, thoughtful hypotheses all the time now.

Alec is a very expressive person.  When he is happy, his giggles are infectious.  When he is not happy, watch out!  Someone is going to get hit (usually Aiden) or your ear will be subjected to this crazy loud piercing shriek of frustration.  He is very sociable and will chat with anyone anywhere.

Aiden is cautious and rational.  He asks questions non-stop - all the why, what if and what is questions that I was expecting last year.  They are now exploding out of him all day long.  It's so much fun.  So far, I haven't had to say 'because I say so' but we have had to look things up on the internet.

Alec likes to tackle his brother and he split his ear open on our way to Ann Arbor during one of these bouts.  Thank goodness for Canadian health care and the Met Hospital ER staff.  Yesterday our family GP marvelled at how well the ear was stitched up when she removed them.

Aiden is reading so well!  It's amazing!  He's a little resistant to it, but you can tell that he reads quite well.  We read books, signs, stuff on the iPad, whatever is around to read.  He's also doing well with math.  Again, he's a little resistant, like he doesn't want to do it, but maybe it's because he's afraid of being wrong... which I'll need to work on.  Me, I mean, not him.  I need to work on not making him feel like mistakes are terrible.

Alec has also been doing homework everyday with Aiden.  Right now we're doing mazes, which he loves, but he's starting to get the whole numbers thing too.  I think he's on the verge of reading too, which is really cool.

What can I say?  The dots are awesome!

Facebook Killed My Blog

Everyday I have something to write and share. But because of Facebook, it's really put a dent in my writing here. I can't decide if this is a place for my journal or if it's a way for me to share my thoughts with more people.

Enough people convinced me that sharing personal information online was not safe for my family and wobbled back and forth between making this a public and private blog. Then Facebook Notes became the place for me to put my thoughts down, because only 'friends' have access to that, only 'friends' could read it and comment (and non anonymously).

When I read Single Dad Laughing, I think, that should have been me. That's what I wanted to do. Maybe something like Working Mom Surviving or Work Life Balance or My Other Full Time Job.

The 10 Commandments of ZeroSumGameTology

I'm mostly on Facebook now, so I don't blog as much. Plus, I'm starting to blog about other stuff now, not just the kids. Although... I still do kind of default to writing about the amazingness of Aiden and Alec! Here is a note that I particularly like:

"If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion." - L. Ron Hubbard (founder of Scientology), as quoted in the article "Scientology: Anatomy of a Frightening Cult" by Eugene H. Methvin (Reader's Digest May 1980).

I don't know that I want to make a million dollars (okay, that's not true, I would LOVE to make a million dollars, just not through fraud!), but certainly if I were to start my own religion, it would have to be based on the Concept of KarmaBalance or maybe I would call it ZeroSumGameTology. The theory behind this new ZeroSumGameTology religion ( (C) 2011 Sherry Yuan Hunter) is that for every action we commit to, there are consequences that cause the exact opposite outcome as what we were trying for in the first place - or you may win in one way based on your fight for it, but you end up losing something of equal value or worth greater than what you won in another way.

After the devastating earthquake and resulting tsunami + nuclear calamity, a friend commented "You know, I'll bet if we all had to have our own little nuclear power generators in our front yard, we would all be a lot more careful about how much energy we consume and certainly about the safety of the generators!" It led me thinking... We spend so much effort trying to streamline and organize processes, making things more efficient and reducing costs, and yet what happens is we just farm out things (and processes and risks) to other people. Some of us pay condo fees, so there is absolutely NO direct incentive to monitor utilities use... which raises the fees of all of tenants, not to mention the need for petro and nuclear power! We don't want the nuclear power plants in our backyards downtown (where we consume most of the electricity) and yet we don't even think about how it could endanger those who live right by the plants... they are people too and bear the risks for my use of electricity through my gadgets, streetcar use, reading at night, etc. etc. And what happens if (when) things start getting old and unreliable... will the dangers affect all of us? Our food, our water, our air, our children?! Ask our friends in Tokyo.

We want things to be cheap, so we go for the bargains or the superstores. But these organizations have so much power, they can pay people ridiculously low wages, they can push the suppliers to minimal (or negative) margins and they close down neighbourhood stores! In the long run, I effectively reduce my choice, make it hard for me to start up a small business and cause a bunch of people to be stuck with low wages. By purchasing for low prices, we are not encouraging any investment in healthy, safe and diverse foods. We get farmed salmon, cramped chickens, pesticide-laced potatoes and hormone-pumped milk. Bleach.

Recently governments have been operating deficits. Our publicly funded post-secondary institutions are running into financial trouble and may have to charge us employees more for our portion of the pension program! And yet we all still want more (and less)- we want more security, more pay (of course!), more benefits, more vacations, more protection, more freedom, (less work, less taxes, less accountability). It makes sense. We all want that. But everything we want costs money and when we spend more money, we're not helping the negative spiral that our organizations are going through, which scarily enough, will implode at some point in time, maybe not now in my generation, but perhaps in my children's lifetimes. Are my spending habits (gotta love my iPhone) pushing my demand for higher wages and better benefits (I can't complain, I took two maternity leaves!), which in turn affects my ability to help the future - our children? Tough question. It's a no brainer not to ask for more if I can or want! It's reasonable to always demand more for ourselves! But a little scary where we're headed. The US government not functioning because they have run out of money?! Unfathomable!!!!!!

Another example: I love free content. I love accessing free newspapers, free encyclopedias, free articles, free books, free music, free TV shows, free movies, free apps, you name it, I love it. I don't want to pay for these things. If I had to pay for them, I might argue, I wouldn't consume them. For example, as the prices of movie-going headed up to outrageously expensive, I stopped watching movies at the theatres. As cable got expensive and commercials took up more time than quality TV shows in terms of airtime, we cut cable. But the more I access free content, the less I'm contributing to the development of quality programming, which results in a LOT of bad content, cheaply made, designed to maximize profits for those who do invest money - the advertisers. It also means that it is harder and harder to get into the business of making money from content. If I wanted to become a professional writer, it would be hard to get you readers to pay for my ramblings! Why would you pay for this when you can get it for free (and ignore it if you so chose without feeling like you've already paid for something). The irony of it all!

Sorry about the long note. The moral of the story is "Don't Bother Because You're Going to Make it Worse Anyways."

No, just kidding.

ZeroSumGameTology will have 10 Commandments:

1. Look before you leap; have you prepared for the consequences of your choices?

2. Beware the inevitable equal and opposite force of every action you take.

3. Your rubbish is not another person's treasure. Dispose of things so not to hurt others!

4. Don't take a mile just because someone has given you an inch. Give an inch back!

5. Inconvenience and inefficiency is not always a bad thing; it keeps us employed!

6. Be sympathetic to the plight of others; by the Grace of Whomever, there goes you!

7. There really isn't such a thing as a free lunch; know what the costs are and to whom!

8. Be grateful for what you have; you may not have it in the future.

9. The grass is just as green on this side; don't envy, just appreciate.

10. Life in this world is a Zero Sum Game; once the aliens come, we'll finally figure out that we're all on the same team and should have been protecting everyone's interests rather than just our own!

Alec is Driving Me Nuts!

I always think that Aiden was so much easier, but when I look back I realize that Aiden also threw temper tantrums and had sleeping problems around this age. The difference is that I was on mat leave with Alec, so I could catch up by napping in the day... whereas now I am at work full time and can't!

They are awesome. Aiden is the most amazing kid - such a great big brother. Alec has the most infectious grin and he's so engaging. We are so fortunate that they picked us.

Rock Paper Scissors

This morning, Aiden, Alec and I were playing Rock, Paper Scissors. I normally vary up my toss so that we take turns winning, because Aiden usually just throws Rock every time.

I suddenly started throwing just Paper. Aiden indignantly glared at me and demanded "Hey! Why are you keep doing Paper?!" Laughingly, I responded "Well, I want to win, and you keep doing doing Rock, so will keep doing Paper."

With a glint in his eyes, Aiden threw Scissors next. After a while, I started throwing Rock over and over again. He looked up at me again and shifted to Paper. He giggled when he started winning!

My Parents Taught Us that the Lazy Way Is Not the Best Way

But I don't always listen.

And life is one big experiment. Everyday, you have the chance to make decisions that have consequences. Some things don't play out until later, but eventually they all do and you just have to look back and say, "Hey, my parents were right!" "Hm... my parents are often right!"

And, you know what? The lazy way is almost always the wrong way!

Aiden is an Amazing Big Brother

Tonight, Aiden wanted to put up his Thomas the Tank Engine Tent. I told him he could, so he started putting it together. Overheard:

Aiden: Alec, wait, I'm not done yet.

Alec: Uhn, ha ha, hee hee.

Aiden: Alec, you have to move, please wait for me to put it together. You have to get out so I can fix it. I haven't fixed it yet. Come on, Alec.

Alec: Hee hee! (Giggle, giggle)

Aiden: See, I'm almost done. Alec, here, I'm done now. Okay, you can go in now!

I can't believe how Aiden can seem like he's already 10 years old some times. Then there are times when I remember he's really just my baby after all. He is always wanting to help me when I'm cooking. It's 10 times harder to figure out something that he can 'help' me with! In fact, sometimes I've given him tasks that we both know are too hard for him. He will look at me with that wise look and say "Mommy, I can't do that. It's too hard for me. Can I help you with something else?" He often helps Alec with things, although there are days when he doesn't want to help, which is okay too.

Eating is a problem though. He loves plain rice, plain bread and plain pasta. I'm not sure what to do. We always say "Everyone has to eat a little bit of everything." And he's been pretty good about that... but he's certainly trying to exercise his rebellious muscles. He and Alec like completely opposite things, and I can't figure out if it's something we did or if it's natural. Alec likes fruit, meat and does not like rice and breads as much. Alec doesn't seem to like processed foods the way Aiden does. Okay, except for chocolate, ice cream and cookies, which they both seem to like - they don't get to eat them a lot, but they should love this stuff! :)

Today Aiden declared that he likes 5 things: the iPhone, the iPad, the DS, the big computer downstairs and the little computer. Well, the poor kid got his privilege of playing on one of them at bedtime today because he misbehaved. He had a HUGE temper tantrum "But MOMMY~~~ I WANT to play with the DS! I can't wait until toMORrow! No! I want to play with it toDAY! I have to play with it!" And I just kept calmly repeating that he did not get to play it because of his behaviour today. What was completely amazing was that by the end of the day, he was able to articulate that 1) he didn't get to play with any of his toys tonight and 2) why he love his privilege without having a temper tantrum!

The End of Year Report 2010!

It's been a fairly crazy year with a lot going on at work and at home for me. But I do feel that I've turned a corner in many respects, so here's hoping 2011 will be a good one!

Work has been overwhelming. I think I always end up getting promoted beyond my level of competency and it takes me a while to figure out that I don't know what I'm doing! Or that I'm caught up completely with obstacles that shouldn't stop me from getting where I need to go. The question is: where do I need to go!? At the end of the day, I would love to live a simple life. Especially now with kids, I love spending time with them and they with me. But after a long day at work with all the politics and problem-solving, I'm too tired to take care of me and I'm so exhausted, I can barely get the basics done at home. Then because I don't spend enough time getting things organized, the chaos stresses me out even more... But after a week at home organizing and hanging out with the boys, I'm almost feeling better!

Bill has been working on his website again lately. I'm quite proud of him, because he has also been doing more work around the house, which helps a lot. He is going to the gym regularly and trying to eat a bit healthier...

Aiden is hilarious. He talks and negotiates and jokes and cajoles... He declared the other day "Mommy, 'silly' means 'wrong'!" I looked at him with surprise, because I've been using 'silly' lately, but clearly I wasn't communicating well! Thinking back, I realized that he figured it out in the context: We would be reading books that we have read hundreds of times and I would pretend to say a wrong word (like: "The Cat in the House" instead of "The Cat in the Hat") and he would laugh and I would laugh. He would say "Mommy, you made a 'stake!" and I would say "Yeah! Mommy's just being silly!" After some thought, I realized that he could totally be right. Also, I still couldn't quite figure out how to explain it to him! He is an incredible big brother, generous, helpful and cautious. He, of course, also picks on Alec and fights over things, but for the most part, he is a great role model. Alec couldn't have gotten a better big brother! He IS showing signs of rebellion, as he becomes more and more aware and intelligent, but, again, for the most part, we seem to be able to work through things. I'm a bit concerned with his addiction to the computer, but I'm going to work on that, as he also loves reading and make believe. I love especially when he and Alec are 'talking' with each other as they play.

Alec has really become a little boy! A baby no longer, he is using a lot words, like eat, ouch, hand, baby, go, up, down, Chewie, 哥哥, me, no, yay, pee, poop, more, water, Mama, Dada, mine, hat, cold, hot, 謝謝, pen, book, star, moon, cow, 狗, 貓, 魚, open, ball, jump, iPad ('padpad')... and more, probably, mostly in one word sentences. He hasn't yet strung things together. But he is definitely making himself understood and he understands most things. He understands the concept of taking turns (most notably with the iPad with Aiden) and he definitely understands when Aiden is taking over his turn! That's when he comes running into my room to grab my hand and point indignantly at his brother. He's recently acquired a new 'lovey' in the form of his winter hat. Once he puts it on, he refuses to take it off. I guess he feels a sense of security from it! He's also starting to tell us when he needs to poop, but refuses to sit still on the potty. He just wants to have his diaper taken off so that he can run around as a naked baby. Today, he told me 'pee, pee, pee!' so we went upstairs and pulled out the potty. He wouldn't sit down, but wanted everything taken off. Next thing I knew, he was pulling me into his room, where he had a HUGE STINKY poop on the new Ikea mattress I just bought. Yay.

Life is pretty full. Busy. Amazing. Crazy. Beautiful.

Some Photos December 2010

Alec is Aiden's Little Copycat!

At nearly 4 and nearly 2, the boys are really starting to play together. The conversations are a little one-sided with Aiden pretty much holding up both end of the conversation. He has fairly strong communication skills, so we're also hearing his side of the story more often than not, but Daddy makes sure that Alec's not getting taken advantage of.

Alec is really starting to copy his brother and it makes both of them laugh. And it's infectious! Truly, children are a gift of life and a mirror into the joy of innocence - we all have that somewhere deep down inside.

Last night, I put them in their bath, gave them their toothbrushes and left them to their own device. As I was cleaning up our rooms and setting out their PJs, I could hear peals of laughter coming from the tub. I peeked over and saw that they playing a little game. One kid would put his toothbrush into his mouth and then open his mouth ever so slightly. The toothbrush would dangle precariously and then suddenly drop. "Oh!" he would exclaim and then they would both bend over with laughter. Then the other one would put HIS toothbrush into HIS mouth and do the same. That went on, I kid you not, for about 10 minute.

Once I realized that not a lot of teeth cleaning was happening, I intervened and did a little scrubbing myself... but not before sitting myself down, being a respectful audience of one and politely laughing with them. Then I had to get down to business. I don't want them suffering from cavities!

So, then after they were dried, changed and read to, we all just kind of laid around chatting, they each had a train in their hands (Salty and Thomas, if you must know). Aiden took Thomas and lightly tapped on a bruise on his knee, saying "Ouch, ouch, ouch! I have a bruise on my knee." Within a millisecond, Alec had Salty on his unbruised knee saying "Ouch, ouch, ouch!" Then they both dissolved into giggles, which led to a tickle fight with the boys rolled up into one big tangle of long thin legs and arms. Of course I joined in and tickled tummies and toes as they made themselves available.

Whatever Aiden does, Alec is not far behind, ready to mimic his older brother. He does have his own mind, though, I don't see Alec as the kind of guy who just blindly follows another, but they seem to have developed a pretty special relationship. I can see it when Aiden protectively keeps Alec in the elevator when the door opens up on a floor we don't want to get off at. I can see it when Alec sits next to Aiden and leans up against his back with a hug. I can see it when they share my iPad or their snacks.

I love watching them interact and I hope that they can be the best of friends.

Toy Story 3 on Blu-Ray

Our friends received Toy Story 3 as a present, but they didn't have Blu-Ray, so they asked if they could come over for a movie date with their 3 boys. Of course, we quickly replied, we really like this family and their kids.

So there were were, 2 dads, 2 moms, 2 4-year olds, 2 2-year olds and a brand new baby... and a Chewie on a pear tree~~~. At times I worried about our next door neighbours, the noise was so loud! We had so much fun and the boys really got along. There was surprisingly little fighting or temper tantrums considering that Aiden didn't nap and Alec had such a short nap.

We got some adult conversation, Bill even got them to play on the PS3 with him!

It's nearly 7 am and both Aiden and Alec ha.... wait, I spoke too soon. Heeeeeeeeeeeereeeeee's Alec! :)

Alec's 3 am Visits

You gotta laugh. I mean, seriously, did anyone prepare you for what you have to deal with before you have kids? So here I am, in deep sleep and a little face pokes his nose right into my personal space. It took me awhile to figure out who it was.

He then climbed in bed, trying to make himself comfortable, sighing, turning this way and that, kicking my chest... He sat up, flopped himself on my pillow lengthwise (pushing my head off the pillow I might add, but who's complaining?) and looked over at me as if to say "Mommy, is this the best you can do? I'm not comfortable!"

Me, I gathered him in my arms and positioned him in between Bill and me so that in the not-so-likely-case of my falling back asleep, he wouldn't just roll out of bed onto the floor. Me, I turned myself to face him and moved my bum so that it was hanging in mid-air off the bed so that there would be enough room for us all. I closed my eyes and half-heartedly patted him on the arm, bum, back, whatever I could reach as he continued to look around at my sleep space with distain.

Finally, he sat up, pointed emphatically and declared "Bei Bei!" (blankie)

I mumbled "Oh yeah, your Bei Bei. Go get it, it's on your bed."

He replied "Go!" Within 2 seconds, he was gone. I didn't even see him toddle out of the room he was so fast.

I lay down and tried to go back to sleep, expecting him to return with his Bei Bei but hoping he wouldn't. You know, hope for the best but expect the worst kind of deal. Well, wouldn't you know it. After a few minutes, I tiptoed into their room and there he was, clutching his Bei Bei and asleep like a baby.

I, on the other hand, ended up doing work.

Let the Rebellion Begin!

It's always easy to share your parenting philosophy with your fellow parents when your kid is fairly well-behaved, as if you had something to do with it. Then one day when it turns on a dime, as it often does with kids, you are left thinking, okay, what did I do wrong!?

Aiden is starting to shout back. Interestingly enough, he often uses my words, like "Now!" or "I asked you to stop it!" "Don't do that again!" I've been working on not shouting at the kids, fairly successfully, I might add, but I've had to start shouting at the dog. Chewie just won't stop chewing up our stuff. So I'm trying to help him differentiate between his toys (he has many many chew toys and bones and balls) and our stuff, including kiddy toys. When he chews on our stuff or even makes like he is heading over to do so, he gets a yell. When he plays with his own stuff, he gets a showering of affection and "Good boy"s like nobody's business.

I noticed that Aiden's rebellious yelling seemed to coincide with my yelling at the dog. Something about yelling, whether it's at him or someone else gives him permission to yell at us. So, I guess it's back to the drawing board! How to train the dog without shouting? I mean, seriously, niceness doesn't work... the shouting (coupled with the showing of affection when he's playing with the right things) seems to be making headway with Chewie, but I can't stand the affect it has on Aiden.

Sigh.

Bosses and Money

Aiden: Mommy, I don't want you to go to work. And I don't want to go to daycare.

Me: I have to go work. Mommy has a boss at work. My boss gives me money, but only if I go to work. If Mommy doesn't go to work, my boss won't give me money.

Aiden (after a long pause): I have a boss at daycare too.

Me: REALLY?! Who is your boss?!

Aiden: My teachers.

Me: Oh, your teachers? They are your boss?

Aiden: Yes, but they do not have money to give me.

Me: Ha ha ha. No kidding. I have to give THEM money!

A Tooth for a Tooth, a Chew for a Chew(ie)

The other day, Alec got up from playing with Chewie and was flicking his tongue in and out, like he had yarn or hair or something in his mouth. "PHfft ptlll... pheh, bleh." I thought nothing of it, just supposed that maybe when he put his blankie in his mouth, some thread came loose or something.

Fast forward to the next day. I observed Alec playing with Chewie. Well, it was more like Chewie was annoying Alec by nipping his heel or gently tugging on his shirt with his teeth. As Alec got progressively more annoyed, he pushed him away, he walked away, he ran around shrieking at Chewie. Just as I was about to crate Chewie, I saw Alec take a strange position I had never seen before. Note that this all happened in about 2 seconds, but it felt like it was all playing in slow motion... He located himself right at Chewie's side, put one hand on the dog's neck and one on his bum. He leaned over and opened his mouth. Just as I was running over from the other side of the room to stop him, he bared his teeth and lowered his body down to bite Chewie on the back! "Nooooooooooo~~~~~~~~~~ Alec!!!!!!!" (Seriously, it was like slo mo.) And I grabbed Alec while Chewie yelped in surprise. Luckily Chewie was either so surprised he didn't try to hurt Alec, or (I'm supposing this could be the case as well, since I'm not home during the day) else he was just used to their rough housing. In any case, I chided Alec "Alec! We don't bite Chewie, that's an ouchie and that's not nice!"

As I put him back down on the floor, he flicked his tongue in and out like he had dog hair in his mouth. "PHfft ptlll... pheh, bleh."

Oh~~~! It was hard not to laugh out loud!

(Just found a Chinese translator online and wanted to test it out...)

那一天亞曆克從 Chewie 玩起來，揮了著他的舌頭進進出出像他紗和/或頭髮的東西進他的嘴裡。 "… … PHfft ptlll pheh，bleh。" 我認為沒有它就應該也許當他把他的 blankie 在他的嘴中，一些執行緒來鬆散的東西。

快速轉發到第二天。 我注意到玩 Chewie 的亞曆克。 好，這是更多像 Chewie 是令人討厭的夾他的腳跟或輕輕地扯他的襯衫與他的牙齒上的亞曆克。 亞曆克得到逐步更生氣，他推開他，他走了，他跑得周圍 Chewie 在尖叫。 正如我正要板條筐 Chewie，我看見亞曆克採取一個奇怪的立場我從未見過。 請注意這一切發生在有關.在秒為 2 單位卻覺得它所有中發揮慢動作... 他位於自己權利在 Chewie 的身邊，一隻手放狗的脖子，一個在他的屁股。 他靠上，打開他的嘴。 正如我從停止他房間的另一邊跑，他露出他的牙齒和降低他的身體，背面咬 Chewie ！ "Nooooooooooo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 亞曆克!!!!!!!" （嚴重，就象斜率鉬。) 我抓住亞曆克，而 Chewie 驚訝地叫。 幸運的是，Chewie 是可以如此驚訝的是他沒有試圖傷害亞曆克，或 (我假如這可能這種情況以及，因為我不是家庭在白天） 否則他只是被用來他們粗糙的住屋。 在任何情況下我斥責亞曆克"亞曆克 ！ 我們不要咬，是一個 ouchie 並不是很好的 Chewie ！"

當我把他放在地板下，他擊他的舌頭進進出出像他嘴裡說他的狗的頭髮。 "… … PHfft ptlll pheh，bleh。"

哦 ~ ~ ~ ！ 這是不難大笑 ！

Now that we're on Facebook, I've been using it more to consolidate everything... photos... stories... daily thoughts... Plus, I can't understand how we manage to lose cables to cameras, so we can't use our camera! Anyway, I've put in the order for the cable, so fingers crossed, we'll start being able to post pictures again soon!

It's hard to admit at times, but I think I've completely lost myself. Mom once said that when we were kids, life was a blur. It wasn't until she was older that she was more 'self aware'. I didn't quite appreciated it at the time. I mean, mom was mom! She was always there, always doing the right things, always loving us, taking care of us, feeding us, making sure we stayed on the right path. Dad was always making money to take care of the family, to pay for our expenses and to make sure we got an education. Mom and Dad always made sure we knew what our goals were: have good grades, get into a good university and be a successful contributor to society.

Now here we are, 4 of us. I think we've reached those goals!

But on a day to day basis, sometimes I feel completely lost. You know how you rush into the washroom because you were doing something that required something and that something is supposed to be in the washroom? Then you're standing there and for a second your mind is a complete blank. Hm, you wonder to yourself, what the heck am I doing standing here? No matter how hard you think, you just can't remember. So, you rush back to where you were sitting and continue to do what you were doing. Then it hits you, you know what you wanted to do... and then you remember what you need to get... and then you go back to the washroom to get it. Well, that feeling of standing there lost. I get that a lot now.

The boys are throwing a lot of temper tantrums. My lovely, cute, funny, sweet boys. Aiden. Alec... MY BOYS! Sometimes I just want to throw MYSELF on the floor and throw a temper tantrum too!

They make me question why we're doing things, like, is it really that important to eat healthy foods (yes, of course), is it absolutely necessary to wears socks with shoes (I guess only when it's really cold) and why can't they play on the computer for 5 more minutes (when you put it that way, okay, sure, go ahead).

Alec has perfect pronunciation in both English and Chinese (catch him saying '魚' - it's perfection) but he doesn't say them often. He says "moon" "star" "no" "yay!" "A'am" (for Adam) "up" "apple" "ball" "ma ma" a lot. But he's also said "Elmo" "Caterpillar" "Canada" or whatever he picks up suddenly. Once and never again. He is quite the extremist. Alec will laugh or bawl at a moment's notice, and he does both with intensity.

Aiden can reason, he mirrors our behaviour (scary) and he wants to be a good boy (he just told me that he doesn't get timeout at daycare because he's a good boy). He LOVES technology and has already figured out how to do more on the computers and iPad than an adult could in the same time. He's at an age where he can absorb a lot of knowledge, but we are a bit distracted by his brother. He has an amazing memory and is on the verge of reading.

Bill has come a long way, baby. He does a lot more chores around the house (he's actually better at it than I am and doesn't seem to mind as much as I do) and he's really good with the kiddies routines.

My work is getting pushed up a notch. I'm spending more time at work and will likely start traveling... I don't want to, because I love spending quality time with the boys. I also can see how my presence makes a difference to them. But it's getting harder and harder to keep my head above water. I'm thinking about work so much, I don't feel as though they are getting the attention they need from me. Every other morning, as I'm trying to get out of the house, the boys have huge temper tantrums. It's hard to leave them!

So. I'm a mess. I need to spend more time planning and thinking and organizing. I'm too tired to think. Without planning, things just happen and then I get more stressed. When I get stressed, I'm not a nice person to be around. I'm trying to be patient so that I'm not always an angry person... I need something. What do I need?

So. Here I am, 5 am in the morning, mentally standing in the washroom, thinking, what the heck am I doing here? What am I doing? What do I need to do?

Sweet and Sour

This evening, I had to do some work. So, Bill took care of the entire bath, bed and book routine. When I came downstairs, I could see the panicked look on the boys' faces and I sighed, "Guys, Mommy has to do some work, go to Daddy." It's kinda sad seeing them so unhappy and wanting their mommy.

Bill distracted them and they forgot about their moment of separation anxiety. Every so often, I heard Alec come to the top of the stairs at the gate whining "Mama" and hoping that it would get me upstairs. I heard Aiden reassuring his brother "Don't worry, Mommy will come up later, Alec." Once Aiden yelled downstairs "MOMMEEEE. I need water~~ Here is my cup, can you fill it?!" I went up, grabbed the cup, filled it and gave it back. I heard Bill playing and splashing in the tub with them and I heard him chasing them around to get their PJs on... then I heard reading of books... and then I heard... well... nothing. NOTHING! Quiet. Door closed, lights off and nothing. No kiddie coming out with "I'm not tired Mommy" or a kiddie clutching his blue blanket cheerfully daring me to chase him back into bed. Nothing at all.

What?! They fell asleep without needing ME?! Huh? That didn't seem right! I couldn't believe it. Not only did Daddy do an awesome job, the boys did an awesome job too. That means that when I start travelling for work, they will be fine. Everyone is going to be just fine. The routine, although slightly different from the way I would do it, worked beautifully. Fine. It worked fine.

It's kinda sad seeing them so independent and not needing their mommy...